how people don’t read books.Maybe it’s true that people don’t join groups as much as they used to. But when it comes to queer folk, I see people searching for community like a man in the desert looks for palm trees.
For example, I recently met this guy from a small town. We’ll call him Tex. Well, he doesn’t fit anyone’s stereotype of a gay man—he’s kind of rough around the edges, unpolished, pure country. He told me how he’d been out for over 10 years, but he had never felt a part of a community. Not that he hadn’t tried. He went to Pride. He went to the bars. He joined the local GLBT group. But none of them were right for him. He simply didn’t fit. He saw no likelihood of that changing.
But Tex met a man who told him about the North Star Gay Rodeo. Tex went, and it was as if he had come home. Since then, he’s become involved as a volunteer, and follows the rodeo around from town to town. He’s made friends—good friends.
I think humans are flocking animals, and doubly so for queer folk. Growing up different, trying to make sense of ourselves while we muddle through the muck of the greater culture, means we know how important it is to find others like ourselves. We hear it in our stories: “I felt different”; “I felt like I was alone, the only one.”
For me, every time I am invited to a wedding—at least this side of Massachusetts—I am reminded that I am different. Every time some yahoo politician says I don’t deserve the same rights as everyone else, I feel different. Every time I meet someone new who assumes I’m straight, I know I’m different.
This is one of our shared experiences as a distinct GLBT culture. I don’t think a heterosexual would say about being straight, “I thought I was the only one.”
In response, we create ways to get connected. The result is that there is a group for everything. And I mean everything. Into gardening? Check out BIG (Boys Into Gardening). Like getting outside? Check out Outwoods. Mostly into running? Got you covered: Check out Frontrunners. Politics? Check. How about being a lesbian senior or a gay Jewish teen? Check and double check. Looking for a book club? A writer’s group? Toastmasters? There’s all that and more. No matter what your affinity or interest, there’s probably an organization for you.
Still, we live in a straight man’s world. No matter how many groups there are, it still takes a little savvy to find them. For those not yet involved in the community, it’s hard to know where to start. It’s no surprise that it was a while until Tex found the rodeo. And to meet him is to know how important it was to him that he did.
That’s why I’m writing this column.
My goal for “For Whom the Bill Tolls” is to find my flock. In each column, I’ll bring the reader along, as I visit various community groups—from the smallest little meeting in the back of some coffee house to the largest organization with a mission statement and a board of directors. Along the way, I hope the groups I write about will be able to find new members. And I hope I can help people like Tex find their home.
As a companion for the column, I’ll highlight a few events coming up in the near future. I’ll include a couple of my favorites at the end of my column, and the rest I’ll put up on my Web site at www.forwhomthebilltolls.org. If you’re planning an event, or have a group you’d like people to know about, drop me an e-mail at bill@forwhomthebilltolls.org.